Hogwarts' disgrace
by SliverofWonder
Summary: What if Lily had survived the night the Potters' were attacked? What if Harry was no longer the star of the school? What if Harry was, rather, the disgrace of the school, shunned and pitied by his schoolmates? AU. No OCs.
1. Chapter 1: That night

**Hey guys! This is my first HP fanfic, so don't expect anything spectacular. Sorry it's so short, but the chapters to come will be longer! So, anyway, enjoy!**

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_"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off—"_

_Lily shoots one last worried glance at James, the last time she'll ever see him again. She runs off and goes to baby Harry, lying innocently in his crib, blissfully unaware of the horror of the situation. A blinding flash of green light comes from downstairs and despite already knowing that this was going to happen, Lily's heart sinks. She blinks back tears, comforting a now crying Harry, soothing him, yet knowing that in a matter of minutes, they would all be dead by Voldemort's hand._

_A cackle of high-pitched laughter comes from the stairs. He was near now._

_"Face me valiantly, Lily Potter," he spits out the last word, Lily hearing the smirk, the arrogance in his words, as he continues, "Face me and you will go like your husband went, straight-backed and proud." Lily's heart stops. He was just outside the door. It was over now. She continued to soothe Harry, putting on a fake smile for his sake, until his frown turns yet again into a smile._

_The door bursts open and Lord Voldemort himself walks in, cackling maniacally at the sight of the pair._

_"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!" Lily cried, pleading in vain with the heartless man that killed her husband and countless others without any regret._

_"Stand aside, you silly girl. Stand aside now." He laughs at her foolishness. How could she ever dream, ever hope of standing up to him? He, the one whose very name instills terror in the hearts of all wizards and witches alike. He, the greatest wizard of all time, Lord Voldemort._

_"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead…" She begs once again, shielding a confused Harry with her petite body, as if that would change the fact that they would both be dead in a matter of minutes. Voldemort scowls. This pathetic woman could've been on his side. Both of them. But the stubborn fools wouldn't have it, and tonight, Voldermort was going to make them pay. With their lives._

_"No! Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy…" Harry hears a shrill, familiar shriek, the noise barely audible over his own cries, before a flash of green light fills his eyes, and a howl of pain could be heard before everything faded to black._

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**So, horrible? Ok? Review!**

**Ok, so technically this isn't really related to the story itself, _but _I felt like starting off with this, so don't ****worry!**

**Peace out**


	2. Chapter 2: I'm happy that way

**Hey guys! So, this is chapter 2, and I _know _it's pretty short, but I uploaded fast, right? Anyways, excuses aside, thanks to the people who followed/favourited the story. By the way, was the chapter _that _good?**

**Hope you ****enjoy the chapter! It's quite sad. I think.**

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Harry's POV

_Dear Mr Potter,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Terms begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Deputy Headmistress_

I scan through the letter for the last time, then crumple it into a tight ball and fling it, with all my might, against the cold, grey walls. The paper ball rolls to the ground impassively, the clearly visible Hogwarts crest taunting me, enraging me.

Hogwarts. What a magical place. What an honour to be in such a school, right? No. Not for me. Not for Harry Potter. Never for Harry Potter.

Why couldn't I be a normal boy? Why couldn't I just be a regular kid, living in a regular home, going to a regular school? I could've had friends. I could've had a life! I could have _lived_ for once! W_hy? _I scream the last word out, the word echoing in my ears, deafening me, overwhelming me. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes and for once, I let them fall freely down my face, burning my cheeks as I stare holes in the walls, trying to break free, break free of this prison, this hell I'm living in.

The thought of my "home", or more aptly my prison brings up familiar emotions. Rage. Resentment. Hatred. Anger.

I grab the nearest thing I can get my hands on- that stupid book Mr Morgan gave me- and hurl it against the bleak wall.

Anger management. The dreaded words shine on the bright paperback cover.

Anger management. It'll help you, Mr Morgan insisted, it really will. As if the pig cared about me at all. I don't _want _help. I'm a freak. An outsider.

_And I'm happy that way._

Neville's POV

_Dear Mr Longbottom,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Terms begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Deputy Headmistress_

"So when do you want to go to Diagon Alley, Neville?" We don't have a lot of time and I want you to visit your parents before you start school. I suggest we go tomorrow, beat the crowd…" My grandmother's shrill voice drones on and on, yet I only pick up two words.

_My parents._

How I wish they didn't exist, so neither would I. How I wish they were… normal. I mean, I love them, but I just wish for once that my life were better. That life was fair. And now I had to go to Hogwarts.

No matter how you put it, Hogwarts was school. And school was horrible. School was where the bullies were, and Hogwarts… Hogwarts was where the Malfoys were. Oh, how I wish they were the ones that didn't exist. How I wish they would leave me alone for once. Draco, grandmother says his name is. Why couldn't I be him? Why couldn't I be the one with the powerful father, the one who would tease someone else, not the one being teased mercilessly? Why?

They tell me life isn't fair like that. They tell me I have to be brave. To be strong. For my parents. The people I should be proud of. My parents. But nothing will change the fact that I'll always be an outsider. The one with the broken, insane parents.

_And frankly, I'm happy that way._

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**So, how was it? Review, ok? And for those who are confused by Harry's bit, remember it's an AU, so yeah.**

**Peace out**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! So, this is chapter 3, which, according to my friend, is super emo. It's kind of short, but I updated fast again! Yay. Once again, thanks for the follows/favourites, and sorry if my story is confusing. It should clear up in the later chapters.**

**Enjoy!**

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Harry's POV

"Hey mom. I'm going to Diagon Alley later, after this, to buy my books and stuff. With Hagrid. Wish me luck." I mutter emotionlessly to my mother, sitting on the bed next to me and staring blankly into space. "Mom?" "That's nice, dear." That's all I get. Frankly, I don't expect anything more from her. I scold myself mentally. Haven't I learnt not to expect anything from her? I get up from the side of the bed, shaking my head, my face not betraying the hurt, the resentment I feel inside of me. Kelly, my mother's caretaker, pats my shoulder comfortingly as I shuffle away, staring at the ground.

"Oh! Sorry" I find myself knocked backwards and look up, glowering at the round-faced boy in front of me. He cowers slightly and I can see the shock in his eyes as his gaze falls on my face. I glare even harder and he jogs off to the two beds near my mother's, followed by a formidable looking old woman, a hat with a stuffed vulture set dangerously on her head. I glance at the boy, talking excitedly to his parents, yet I can see right through his façade. He's a broken boy, feeling tinges of resentment and a sense of loneliness behind his mask of shy happiness.

Just like me.

Except I don't put on a mask.

Nevilles POV

"Oh! Sorry." I quickly mutter as I bump a tall, thin boy, his face hidden by the shadows cast by the hood of his jacket, pulled low down his face. He looks up, momentarily startled, then his face contorts into an expression of anger. The boy stalks away angrily, staring at me, but not before his hood slips down his head slightly and I see his face, scarred and twisted. Taken aback, I run off to my parent's beds as he glares at me before continuing to walk out of the ward. I wonder who he's visiting. I've never seen him before, and I come here regularly. Ignoring the questions in my head, I smile wanly to my mother as a look of faint recognition crosses her eyes, and she tries to strike up a conversation with me, my grandmother joining us just a short while later.

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"Again, dear? You've given him quite a few already. Oh, very well, take it, Neville. Go on." My grandmother sighs as my mother offers something to me. I stretch out my hand, rather reluctantly, as she drops the slightly slimy wrapper into my hand. I pocket it as quickly as I can, inconspicuously dusting my hands on the sides of my jeans. Grandmother smiles weakly and thanks my mother as I mutter a goodbye and leave, only glancing back once to meet the eyes of my happy mother.

"Where do you want to go first, Neville? We could go and get your wand first if you want, or your books—" I tuned out of whatever my grandmother was talking about as she tapped a brick on the wall and we stepped through the archway that formed from it.

"I think we should go to Ollivander's first. Ah, I remember when I got my wand, such an experience—" Once again, I roll my eyes as she drones on and tune out of the conversation, my attention on the blonde boy exiting the wand shop, sparks shooting out of the tip of his newly acquired wand.

Draco.

His face contorts into a sneer as he spots us, and he and his father walk over haughtily, noses high in the air.

"Well, if it isn't the Longbottoms." Lucius Malfoy drawls, looking down at us. "How's mummy and daddy?" He continues mockingly. My fists clench and I glare at him as he cocks an eyebrow and stares back at me, visibly amused.

"Ignore them, Neville." Grandmother grabs my hand and whispers to me. "They're doing very well, thank you." She continues, this time loud enough for the Malfoys to hear.

"Oh, I'm _sure _they're doing very well. Mummy still giving you sweet wrappers?" Draco scoffs, then saunters away with his father.

"I'll get you one day! I swear!" I scream at their retreating figures before my grandmother pulls me to the side angrily and starts to lecture me.

"—disgrace to the family! Even your parents have a good reputation! Do you want to destroy the Longbottom name? Answer me!"

That's it. I can't take it anymore. I wrench free from her grip and storm down Diagon Alley, pushing past passers-by and ignoring the obvious stares of curious passers-by.

"Neville! _Neville_!" My grandmothers voice rings from behind. I blink back the hot tears swimming in my eyes, now running at full speed. I don't even care where I'm going, just as long as I'm running away. Away from all the troubles in my life. Away from my grandmother. Away from my parents. Away from the Malfoys.

Away.

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**So how was it? Hope it wasn't too confusing. **

**Peace out**


	4. Chapter 4: Scars

Harry's POV

"Where are you going this year, huh, freak?"

"Bet he's going to the zoo!"

The boys roar with laughter as I begrudgingly make my way down the stair for dinner. My eyes burn with hatred as I glare at them, imagining that their bodies were lying at the foot of the stairs, horribly crumpled and mangled. A sadistic smile plays at my lips as I picture the thought, and I'm forced to snap out of my twisted daydream as someone pushes me roughly from behind and I stumble forward, breaking my nose on the metal railing. Hot blood gushes from it and I cradle my nose gingerly, blood staining my hands and dripping slowly onto the grey floor.

"Out of my way, freak! And try not to the get floor _too_ bloody this time. Ugh. I hate the sight of blood." An obnoxious voice squeaks from behind me. Piper. The snobby girl pushes her way past me as she makes her way down the stairs, her nose high in the air. The boys scurry over, hoping to score a date with the girl, as if anyone had ever succeeded in doing so.

Blood continues to seep through the gaps between my fingers, and as I silently curse my life, a searing sensation suddenly shoots through my nose. I stumble backwards slightly and tentatively move my hand away from my nose. It's not bleeding anymore.

Just like the last time.

I wipe my bloody hands on the side of my jeans and jog down the stairs, settling with the theory that it was the magic kicking in that healed my nose. I shuffle into the canteen, feeling everyone's eyes on me, and scan the tables for the only available seat - next to Piper. Knowing that standing was not an option, I begrudgingly drop into the seat, both of us scooting as far away from each other as possible.

"Move it, turkeys! This food ain't gonna collect itself! C'mon, hustle, lardballs!" Mrs Thomas screams, all four of her chins wobbling. I shuffle sideways, following the crowd, as lumps of sludge are tossed onto the tray.

"Alright! You have half an hour! Dig in!" Mr Tennant yells, bald head gleaming under the harsh artificial light.

I halfheartedly poke at the grey matter, cringing as I shovel it as quickly as possible as I could, before the taste could sink in.

"Get. Out." A shrill voice hisses into my ear as Piper McFancypants shoves me onto the ground. I scramble back up onto my seat before anyone else sees me, but it's too late.

"This is the last straw, Potter! No breakfast for a week!" Mr Tennant spits, dragging me up by the collar. The stench of smoke mingled with mint wafts into my nostrils as I keep myself from gagging.

"Go! March!" I stumble forward and train my eyes on the steely blue doors as I feel everyone's eyes burn into me, and especially Piper's triumphant grin as Ryan shuffles into the seat next to her. The metal doors creak open and I jog back to my room, trying to fight back the overwhelming urge to hurl. I can't, however, and turn to the common bathroom at the very end of the corridor, throwing up until my stomach feels empty. Empty, just like the void in my heart.

Hearing the sound of benches dragging on the floor as Mr Tennant's yells pierce the silence, I hurriedly splash the cool water on my face as I catch my reflection in the dirty, smudged mirror. My hand unknowingly drifts to the side of my face. Twisted skin caked with blood. The very reason for my nightmares, the reason why I hide away in my shell, the reason why I'm a freak, a monster.

And above it all, a grotesque, bloody lightning scar.

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Neville's POV

"I know they're brave, but sometimes I just wish they were sane! You know, normal? Not insane?" I sigh, looking into his large black eyes, staring back at me earnestly, and continue, "It's the Malfoys. They just make me feel…ashamed of them. I don't know. It's hard, you know? Trevor?" The toad blinks at me, eyes shining, and turns away, before hopping of my hands and happily jumping away.

I wish I were like him. I wish I could do that.

I really do.

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**Yes, I finally explained part of it. Neville's POV is just a slight filler. **


	5. Chapter 5: Nothing will ever change

Harry's POV

Let's just say, it was a long, long subway ride.

As if I didn't already get enough stares because of my face décor, trying to keep a squawking owl to shut his beak drew way more attention than necessary.

At any rate, I was glad to finally be at King's Cross Station, though the only thing I was thankful for was escaping from the claustrophobic capsules.

Grabbing a nearby trolley, I gladly heave my bulging trunk into the basket and carelessly toss the cage on top of it, earning a shrill squawk from Sparky the owl.

That's right. Sparky. Hagrid gave him that name, apparently because he's "sparky like a spark", although I think Noisy would've been more apt, personally.

My mind starts to wander to life at Hogwarts as I slowly push the trolley along. I've got to say, I'm really not looking forward to being there. Sure, magical school with animals and spells and whatnot. What's there not to like, right? Yeah, well, if I've learnt anything from my experience in that hell-hole of a school, _and _that jail of an orphanage, it's that I didn't fit in anywhere. Period.

I've never had friends. Don't want to, either. Friends are, for lack of a better word, a downright nuisance.

I've been the disgrace of every school, everything I've ever had a chance to be a part of.

Heck, I'm a horrible son to my mother.

I didn't even last a week in the orphanage without being labeled as 'the freak'.

And frankly, I don't expect anything to change.

Ever.

Neville's POV

"Neville! Hurry!" A shrill, stern voice hollers from below me.

"Alright, Gran! Geez." I mutter the last word under my breath, exasperatedly searching for the other matching sock.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, Gran." I roll my eyes and jam the sock onto my foot, heaving the bulging trunk up.

"Ribbit" A croak comes from the bed. Trevor.

"Come on, boy." The toad blinks at me and hops over into my open palms.

"_Neville!"_

"_Coming, _Gran!"

Trevor in one hand and my trunk in the other, I start to exit the room. The weight of the wooden case pulls me down as I drag it across the hardwood floor, taking one last look at the familiar room I won't be seeing in a long, long time.

The mirror catches my eye as I shoot a sweeping glance across the bedroom.

I stare at the image in the mirror.

A round-faced boy stares back at me, shining hazel eyes full of hope, but yet dread.

Hope for a new life at Hogwarts, but dread because he knows that nothing will change. His parents, _my_ parents are, and always will be, insane, left to rot in St. Mungo's, and nothing will change that.

Hogwarts can't change that. No one can change that.

Ever.

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**Geez, what _will _it take you people to review?**


	6. Chapter 6

Harry's POV

"What's up with that guy's face?"

"I don't know, man, it's like all bloody and stuff."

"Is he the one that You-Know-Who tried to kill?"

"You mean that Potter dude?"

"Yeah, yeah. Harry Pott-"

The two red-haired twins immediately shut up as I shoot them the meanest glare I can muster.

"Gran, I lost my toad again."

"Oh, Neville, _again?"_

"Oh, wait, found him."

_Him. _It was that boy again, the one at the hospital. I guess he really was in the same year as I.

Entering the train, I find the only empty cabin available - one all the way at the back- and sit down, hoping everyone would find their friends and sit down, and leave me alone.

"Hey, can I sit here?"

_Nope, _I thought, but muttered a hasty "Yeah, sure."

_Are you out of your mind, Harry James Potter? You could've said no and you agreed to let that thing sit with you?_

**Hey, he ****_did _****ask nicely. It's the decent thing to do. Besides, his parents are in Mungo's too. **

_Decent? Since when were _you _'decent'?_

**What's wrong with doing something nice for once? It's not like there's something wrong with it.**

_Well don't come crying to me when you've 'changed for the better'. Geez- _

"Are you—you know, the boy who survived You-Know-Who's attacks?"

That phrase again. Who _was _this 'You-Know-Who'?

"You-Know-Who who?" I blurted out very stupidly.

"You know, You-Know-Who? He who must not be named?"

"_Who _who must not be named?"

"He! Volde—You know…dark wizard? Wanted to take over the world?"

"Nope."

"Alright. Never mind. I'm Neville. Neville Longbottom."

_Neville. _So this was the mystery boy.

_Neville. _I repeated the word over and over again in my head.

_Neville. _

"Alright, never mind then." The boy—No-_Neville _draws his hand back, disappointed, and only then do I realise that his hand was outstretched the entire time.

"Harry Potter."

"So you _are_ Harry Potter! Cool—" His face sinks as I stare at him.

"Cool? _Cool? _Is it _cool _to have your face like _this?"_ I draw my long bangs back to reveal the full horror of the misshapen scar on my face as he winces.

"S—Sorry. I didn't know—"

"_Forget it_." I hiss at the stuttering boy.

_See? _This _is what happens when you do something decent._

**Give the boy a break. What does ****_he _****know about your life? Why don't you get your head out of your ass and think about others for a while? ****_Look _****at the boy!**

I take a peek at the cowering boy sitting opposite me, fat tears welling in his eyes.

_Come on now. He's just a sissy boy. _

**Really? ****_That's _****the best you can think of? Sissy boy? I've had enough of your stupid cynical comments. **

_Cynical? Well, I've had way too much of your happy-go-lucky, be nice to everyone thinking. And what about that time where—_

"Enough!" I scream out loud, drowning the conflicting voices in my head.

"Sorry?" Neville whispers, burying his face even deeper in a book.

"No—I mean—What I meant to say was—I wasn't—talking to you."

"Oh." Is all he responds with.

**See what you did? I hope you're happy.**

_Of course I am. Well, fine. I'm not. Are you happy now?_

**Maybe.**

I sigh. It was going to be another long train ride.

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**Alright, so if you haven't like already guessed from the infrequency of the updates, I have major writers block. Unfortunately, this happens all the time for me whenever I write chapter stories. Really, my hat off to all you who can finish a story. I just can't. For this one, well, it's just too much angst for me, I guess. I know the outcome, I just don't know how to get there without jumping from moody to rainbows and (captain)sparklez. Basically, this story will be pretty much terminated, I guess. Sorry. Well, not like there ****_are _****a lot of you, but thanks to everyone, I guess. Sigh. I had great plans for this story.**

**Peace**


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